Humph!

I absolutely love Christmas. Yet this year, everything seems to be mixed and messed up... My parents and I are the only ones this year- a feat which has NEVER occurred while I've been alive. So naturally, it's weird for me. There is a possibility though, that we might go visit my sister in Grand Island... But that's an entirely too long, dramatic story I'd rather not discuss. Oh well.

(In a nutshell- she's in an abusive relationship and her "fiance's" parents aren't letting her come home for Christmas, since she did so for Thanksgiving. The funny thing is... He (Jon, or as I prefer to call him- What'sHisFace) hasn't told his parents that he and Tara are engaged. His parents have treated her like dirt since they met her, with no justification. Why do they care if she's there or not?? It's totally wacked out and I just want to help her- though she refuses to need help. So very frustrating.)

Anywho!

I'm running out of time... I have ONE, singular, über-important, semester left of my measly, depressing high school life. I believe I have narrowed down my college... That's the first step, right? I'm so anxious. But it's a good kind of anxiousness- almost excitement with a heaping spoonful of fear. I think I'm almost ready to do something, be someone- someone I could never be in Ogallala. But... I've begun to think of the things and people I'll leave behind.

A wise person once said to me, "Hang in there. After graduation, you can go wherever you want to. Be whoever you want to be. Forget high school." But, in fulfilling this, I will also be 'forgetting' this wonderful person- I will have to leave that behind. I feel like I've finally found a niche, people who get me and love me for who I am- with none of that cliché, superficial crap high schoolers often spew. Well, there's still a few of those superficial, full of nonsense girls... But what can you do? I'm just disappointed that people who have such potential to be kind, choose not to be. For now, I'll do what I can... And maybe there will be a way to keep these wonderful people in my life?

Regardless of these dramas in my life, the overwhelming love for life I feel right now washes those previously mentioned worries away. I'm happy all the time, mostly- which is something new and different. I'm so thankful for (most of) the people in my life. But the "most of's" are the people who show me what not to do, who not to be... I find myself learning from the actions around me, whether they be positive or not. All I can hope for now, is consistency. Which totally makes sense.

And, another thing that's been on my mind... is church. I had been going regularly for almost two months, but after that I found it hard to go- since I had been going alone. There's something, I feel, pathetic in going to church alone. It makes the reason for going almost moot because it ends up zooming in on my solidarity- making things worse. I wish I didn't have to go alone.

I hope this brief update has kept my followers and fellow life-livers up-to-date. I know it's aided me in venting all of this stuff from my head. You guys are awesome, whoever reads this anyway. ;) I'm glad I know that no matter how far away from someone you are, we all find a way to connect, relate, and understand.

Have a very Merry Christmas! And a Happy New Year as well!

P.S. Is anyone else as excited for the Les Misérables movie to come out as I am??? It has, again, ignited my passion for musical theatre! Hmmmmm.... :)