What Lies Ahead

What should I expect?
Should I expect anything at all?
Should I be excited?
Or should I be scared?

I haven't let myself think of these things all summer...
but I leave tomorrow.

I go to COLLEGE. Tomorrow.

Since when? When did this happen?! I remember my first day of kindergarten- I came home furious because my mom told me they were going to teach me to read... and on the first day they didn't! How rude! And now I'm going to COLLEGE? What? But I still feel like a little kid; playing with Billy, chasing Tara's cats around the house, making ramen noodles, and listening to oldies with my dad just cruising around town... it's as if it were yesterday.

Who am I fooling? That WAS yesterday!

As I finish packing up my things, I try not to think of the things I'm going to miss- the people I'm going to miss and the memories we made. I'm so fearful of losing my roots here, at home. I'm afraid to leave and have it not be the same when I come home- with the people who've supported and structured my life. The people who have made me who I am. I'm afraid that if I forget those people, then I forget who I am.

I've been asking God what to do- what choices should I make? What should I look out for? Who should I look out for? All my prayers are answered, I know, but it's hard to not worry about them when I can't see His plan. I know He has one, and I'm going to follow it the best I can. I pray He gives me the strength and patience to make it through.

Since my confirmation, (I'm a Lutheran now, if you didn't know) I'm finding it easier to avoid temptation and to follow God's instruction. My roommate is Lutheran too, it was FATE! Hopefully we will go together and I won't have to worry about going alone- though I know I never walk alone. I've made going to church a priority this last year, and I aim to keep it that way.

There's so many things to look forward to! So many experiences ahead, waiting for me. But that's the hard part...

waiting.

God be with you 'til we meet again,
Balie

Speechless

What if all we have ever wanted
           isn't hiding in some
secret and far away dream,
           but inside of us now
      as we breathe one another
  and find home in the way
    our arms always seem to fit
perfectly around the spaces
             between us?
 What if we are the answer
          and love was the question?
       What if all this time
it was us you were supposed
                  to find?
I am filled with wonderings,
     questions, and doubt
     but of one thing I am certain:
it will always be you
        that gives flight to the
    butterflies inside me,
    calm to the sea I have become,
 and hope to the darkness
           all around us.
       It is you and it has always
    been you...
you.
        You that soothes and excites
     and spreads joy like rainfall
  on the already damp earth;
You that pulled me from the longest
  sleep and kissed my tired eyelids
                awake.
       If life is a question mark,
               then you my love,
        are the proud and bold period
     that is typed with certainty.

          -Tyler Knott Gregson-