4/28/12

For the past few years I've distanced myself from a few rather important things.

1) My family
2) My faith
3) My friends

As terrible I feel about it, I cannot face my family. Something within their caring, sarcastic, lazy attitudes lay something deeper. As hard as I try, I can only begin to scrape the surface of the iron encasing that issue. All I know is that the more time I spend around my parents and my sister, my stress level incessantly increases.  I have to frequently remind myself by saying, "Balie, you are a teenager. This is normal." But is it really? Does every teen experience the strong sense of desertion from their family at the rate in which I do? Because I highly doubt it. With each reminder of up-keeping chores, homework, laundry, etc., I become even less likely to do them. Is it teen angst, or something more? For that, I have no answer... yet.

While socially I have improved, spiritually I have not.  Unfortunately I haven't had a very strong hold on religion. When the train I had been riding derailed, I literally held on to nothing but lies, leaving me with... oh yeah, nothing. Again, when another derailment occurred I truly had nothing left; not even lies or facades could get me through this time... Thankfully with the guidance of a few wonderful people I have turned my life around and have finally begun to live the life I have imagined for myself... except that I cannot find the power to fully embrace religion because nearly everything around me screams of its falsehood. I suppose that with time and experience it will come, I just have to get myself to church. Help?

I have regained strength in the friend department by giving quite a large margin between the friends and their morals which didn't agree with what I stand for... I decided to make new and continue building up friendships that hadn't been very prominent. It has turned out to be one of the best decisions I could have made. Though, the transition from loneliness to hopeful has been hard, it has proven to be worth every tear.


For those of you who may read this, please, feel free to comment- leaving your advice, or anything, really.  Sometimes you just need another voice in your head telling you that there are other options.
You know?

For now, I must let it be- because simply, I want to go to bed.


Balie